I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Actions speak louder than pants.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
