Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
You left your underwear on the fireplace
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
You pole danced in your parka.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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