i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
