so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
