Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
