Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Randomize
