so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
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