I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize
