Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
