Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
im on a boat
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