I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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