We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
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