I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
