I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Randomize
