i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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