i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
she told me i tasted like america
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
