well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize