Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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