R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
please come you make the beer taste better
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Randomize
