I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
