Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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