If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize