I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
