I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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