What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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