Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
