1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Who did Billy Mays play for?
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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