I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
