Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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