Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
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