Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
