i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
