isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Randomize
