Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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