Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Randomize