it was like his penis was on wheels.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
