Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
