I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Pants are for mortals
there is glitter all over my balls
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
