what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
