PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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