i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Randomize