My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
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