don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
