Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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