I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
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