You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Randomize
