So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
