Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
