sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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