just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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