this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Randomize
