Define "chronic" masturbator.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Actions speak louder than pants.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
