You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize