Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
