I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Randomize
