Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
