I puked a lego.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
