I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
