My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
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