The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
