Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
