I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
