remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
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