i can't believe i had my finger in that
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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