I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
i just made my gag reflex go away.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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