Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Randomize
