I molested 6 butterflies tonight
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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