Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
