If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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