I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
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