Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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