It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
