All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
