i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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