just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
