ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
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