My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
