The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
