Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
