Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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