i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
