Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
