3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Randomize
