The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Randomize
