um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
