i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
