i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Randomize
