so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
