If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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