you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
