Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
