I am in a vortex of obligation.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
