I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
