I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
