It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
