at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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