He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
