By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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