You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
