She's JV to your varsity
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
