you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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