Non-Jews are for practice
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
