he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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