I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
