ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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