please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
