wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize
