Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize