I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
