Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
