why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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