LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
